


Watching Stars Watch Her

by therutherfordwife



Series: The Ailynn Lavellan Series [3]
Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 22:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5683147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therutherfordwife/pseuds/therutherfordwife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen finds the Herald in the woods, lying alone under the stars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watching Stars Watch Her

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after ch. 3 of What Lies Where Sight Denies and before Vivienne's interlude. Enjoy!

Cullen stood at the edge of the clearing, gazing silently at the relaxed and peaceful image before him. Ailynn lay splayed out on a blanket set on top of the snow, her black hair spilling around her head and her eyes closed against the chill wind that fell from the mountains around Haven. The stars and moons were the only illuminations in the night, and not a cloud broke the sky as the world fell to slumber. Only if their was a strain of distant music could the moment have been more perfect. He hesitated to interrupt her apparent slumber, knowing how busy their fledgeling Inquisition kept her, but he was also loathe to leave her to sleep in the cold of the night in late autumn. His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet voice.

“If you stand there much longer, you’ll turn into a statue.” She had spoken without opening her eyes, indeed without moving at all, her words drifting across the space between them to tickle his now pink ears. How long had she known he was there? Longer than he cared to admit, that was for certain. He was constantly amazed by her capabilities; admittedly, at first he had questioned how a blind woman could be a fighter, much less a leader, and while her companions did acknowledge that she was not the best fighter on the field, she was indeed perfectly capable of handling herself, especially at close quarters. That she seemed to inspire confidence in their cause he attributed to her unerring determination to word as hard as she could, an example that left others scrambling to match. He smiled slightly, stepping slowly toward her.

“At least if I were a statue, I wouldn’t freeze to death. You do realize you’ve been out here for hours, right? If Vivienne hadn’t insisted you just needed some time alone, I’m fairly certain Leliana would have had every scout in Haven out looking for you.” 

Ailynn turned her head toward him, her face oddly blank. “And yet you have found me.” Without warning, she turned and reached for the pack on the edge of the blanket, pulling a second blanket from within and holding it above her. “Here, if you’re cold.” She shifted over a bit, patting the empty space on the blanket beside her. “I’d hate for our esteemed Commander to catch his death of cold.” Now a smile graced her lips.

Thanking the Maker that Ailynn couldn’t see him blushing, he hesitated only a moment before joining her on the ground, as it was obvious she had no intention of returning to Haven anytime soon. “Are you cold? The blanket is big enough to cover us both.” 

Ailynn waved him off. “No, I’ve slept in worse than this before. This is mild compared to the snowstorm we had a few years ago, outside of Wycome.” She shuddered. “I’ve never been so cold in my life. I thought the snow would never stop.”

“Why were you out during the storm?” 

“I’d been sent out to set traps. When I smelled the snow coming, I started to head back to where we’d set up camp.” Cullen could see from the side of her face that her expression was pained. “They weren’t there. They’d left, gone on without me.” She lapsed into silence. Gently, Cullen reached out and touched her shoulder in comfort, causing her to jump slightly in startlement before relaxing into his touch. She turned her head toward him, eyes still closed. “They weren’t even subtle about it. I know most people would say that I just got lost, that I went to the wrong place, I didn’t remember the way back, but I’d been a hunter for years. I don’t get lost when I hunt. I knew exactly where the camp was, and when I got back there was nothing there.” She sighed, turning back to face the sky. “I ended up following the aravel tracks until the snow obscured all the tracks. Then I managed to find a wayward pine and I settled in til the storm passed.”

Cullen was aghast. The thought of someone leaving their family abandoned a snowstorm, let alone a blind woman, was abhorrent. That she had survived . . . “What did you do?” 

“Once the snow stopped, I just . . . wandered. I knew the general direction the clan had gone, so I tried to keep heading that way, but . . .” she sighed. “I got lost. Eventually I found a village, and it just so happened that one of their hunters had just encountered a Dalish clan. Took me right to them. I will forever wish I could have seen my aunt’s face when I came walking into the aravel circle, led by a shem, no less. I could practically taste the disappointment.”

“Disappointment?”

“My clan was very efficient. Everyone had a task, everyone knew the best and fastest ways of doing everything. My aunt, as Keeper, did her utmost to ensure that we stayed safe, and to her that meant utilizing every resource to its utmost. I was . . . not a useful resource. I could hunt, with snares and the odd random close encounter, and I could ride halla and pack aravel and cook, but I was slower than others at almost everything and I couldn’t . . . there’s just . . . I just can’t do everything.” Her voice was getting tight, ragged. “I tried, I tried so hard for so long, I tried to do what you all can do. When I was a child, I thought that if I just imagined hard enough, tried hard enough, I would learn to see. I thought if I worked hard enough, I could earn it. If I did everything I could, I would be welcomed in the clan like the other children.” Tears began to leak from under her eyelids. “I never wanted to admit that I couldn’t do anything, so I started spending more time alone, practicing everything. Did you know that I can knit?” She scoffed. “They beat me when they caught me getting knife lessons from a guardsman outside of Hersinia. ‘Shems have nothing to teach us.’ How else was I supposed to learn? No one could be ‘wasted’ to teach the useless elf anything. So she had to stay useless, or learn elsewhere.”

Cullen was unsure how to respond. He wanted to offer comfort, but knew how she hated showing weakness. However, she was certainly showing weakness now; never before had she ever admitted anything to be difficult for her, and she was actually _crying_ beside him. Very carefully, giving her opportunity to deny him, he carefully released her shoulder and slid his arm under her shoulders. When she didn’t protest, he pulled her in close and held her tightly. It was as if his unspoken support released a flood. Her tears became sobs, great wracking things that shook her whole body and had her gasping into his chest. Eventually, she quieted, lying against him and taking deep breaths to calm her shaking body. 

“I’m sorry-” she made as if to pull away, but Cullen held her firmly. 

“You have nothing to apologize for, Herald.”

Anxiety flashed across her face. “But you’re the Commander of our forces, you have soldiers to train and reports to read and I just run around talking to people. I shouldn’t be burdening you like this, these aren’t your demons, and you shouldn’t have to worry about the sensibilities of some silly girl.” 

He crooked an eyebrow, then sat up, pulling her to sit facing him. Her eyes, now open, were bloodshot from crying, but the red only made the blue stand out more. Not for the first time did he wonder how someone could possibly have eyes so blue; they stood out from her face like a light shone in the darkness. The moons reflected in her eyes, making them shine brighter and reminding him of a cat in the darkness. Maker, he needed to stop this line of thinking. Now was not the time to be distracted by a beautiful woman, much less the Herald of Andraste. And she already held such a load. Not everyone could handle being the only person in the world with the capability to save it, yet she went out every day and did everything she could to ensure that they would live one day more, gain one more ally, seal the Breach that much sooner. She surely didn’t need the distraction of a possibly lovesick man when the fate of the world was literally in her hands. But Andraste preserve him, he did want them to be friends, would regret not being friends, and she needed comfort now and he was here for. He would always be here for her.

He cupped her face in his hands, holding her face so that it was facing his. Her eyes were wide as he took a deep breath and then spoke softly. “You, Ailynn Lavellan, Herald of Andraste, are anything but silly. You are capable enough to awe Cassandra, intelligent enough to challenge Leliana, and stubborn enough to drive Josephine to distraction. You walked out of the Fade without your memories, fought your way through a veritable army of demons with people you’d never met, and then jumped into a conflict you should never have been involved in in the first place. You brought peace to the Hinterlands, organized aid for hundreds of refugees, and saved a whole squad of soldiers from an Avvar who literally wanted your head on a pike. And until this moment, I have _never_ seen you falter or break down.” He chuckled softly. “Believe me when I tell you that I would be far more concerned if you never had a moment like this. I might be the Commander, but I hope that I am also your friend, and should you ever need to unburden yourself, you can always come to me.”

Ailynn seemed to have frozen where she sat, absorbing his words. Almost hesitantly, her right hand came up find his face, and her fingers brushed across his mouth. “You’re smiling.”

“Yes.”

“Why?” 

His lips curled higher at her innocent question, her fingers lingering there and catching the motion. “Because you, of all people, deserve to be smiled at.” She blushed then, turning her face away from his.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been smiled at before.” Came the shy words, her hand falling to her lap. Impulsively, Cullen pulled her in for a strong hug, hearing her oomph against his chest. 

“You just couldn’t see it. People smile at you all the time.”

“Will you do something for me?” 

“Yes?”

“When you’re smiling, even if we’re not talking or really doing anything, could you just tap my hand or something, so I know? I think I’d like to know when you smile.” Her own face held a small, shy smile of its own. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her look shy before. His grin grew almost idiotic, his normally reserved nature disappearing in the boldness of the knowledge that she couldn’t see how ridiculously happy he was. After a moment, he realized he was sitting there grinning like a maniac in front of a woman who would absolutely require some sort of response. So he reached down, grasped her hand, and gently tapped it twice. 

Her shy smile blossomed beautifully into a heart-stoppingly gorgeous expression of happiness, all traces of her earlier tears wiped from her face in the onslaught of this new smile that he prayed would never leave her face.


End file.
